So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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