what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize