Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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