its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
