At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
