Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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