Got a toothbrush?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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