They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
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How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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