I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
