just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
