Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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