I CAN MOONWALK!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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