when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
