he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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