just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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