I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
