I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
