That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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