Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
