how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
