Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
