i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
