I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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