I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
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I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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