You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
