Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
