Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
