oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
