i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
