He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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