call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You are the jesus of drinking
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
