Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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