I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am one with the molecules
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize