This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
