Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
