i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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