Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
