you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
