In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
