Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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