; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im six kinds of drunk right now
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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