So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
