He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
