I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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