but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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