What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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