Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
