She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
