She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
