Ambien. No doubt about it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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