The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Your dad touched me again.
he thought i was a dude.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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