I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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