Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
