i permit you to call me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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