I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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