my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
