I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
