I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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