"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize