this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
