I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
