i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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