I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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