I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
