I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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