the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
